Cry Baby

Babies cry, it's a fact of life. They can't yet use words to communicate so when something's not right they cry. I've heard plenty of babies cry, but when it's your own baby, it's the most distressing sound you'll ever hear. For the past 10 weeks we've been learning to decipher what Anna is trying to tell us with her array of different cries.

The 'I'm hungry' cry:
This usually happens after she wakes up from her sleep. Most of the time it's her empty tummy which wakes her up so she pretty much expects to be fed as soon as she wakes up. In fact, you can never feed her quick enough and her cry sounds like she's been starving for days. She wants her milk NOW, not in 5 minutes, not in 30 seconds, NOOOWWWWWWW!!! WAAAHHHHHHHHHH.... And as she gets closer to my boobs, she instinctively turns her head, looks for the nipple and opens her mouth wide, and pants like a thirsty little puppy until she gets her milk. It's a very cute sight :)

The 'I'm being a fussy eater' cry:
This happens when the milk flow slows after the initial few minutes and Anna is getting lazy with her sucking. It's not really a cry but more like a little girly scream. If she's particularly annoyed it'd turn into more of a coughing cry (usually accompanied by a few sharts). This is easily settled with a few distractions, including taking her to the mirror in the bathroom which is a particular favourite of hers right now.

The 'Why did you wake me up early?' cry:
From time to time we have to move her from one mode of transport to another, e.g. from the car capsule into the pram. And without fail, no matter how careful we are, she wakes up from the unbuckling and buckling of her seat belt. This cry is pretty loud and she usually pulls a sad face to let you know that waking her up early is just wrong. Most of the time we can settle her by going for a walk (if she's in the pram), letting her suck on my pinky (if she's in the car capsule), breastfeeding her (if nothing else works).

The 'How could you let the doctor hurt me?' cry:
This has been one of the hardest cries for me to witness. As she went for her first round of immunisation at 8 weeks, it was up to me to hold her still while the doctor gives her, not one, but two needles. I had her in the Baby Bjorn carrier and as the needles went in, she looked up at me, gave me a look which said 'why are you letting this happen to me?' and let out an almighty wail. Needless to say, I was feeling guilty for days!

The 'Ouch, I've just head-butted myself onto your collar bone' cry:
There's a second of silence, followed by those lips curling downwards as she registers the pain and then.....WAAAAHHHHHHHH....this one is always accompanied with huge tears and extra sad face. Luckily it's not a cry that usually lasts.

The 'I'm thirsty' cry:
Refer to 'I'm hungry' cry, because it's the same.

The 'I'm tired but can't fall asleep' cry:
Anna is a really good night sleeper, when all the lights are out and everything's quiet she can usually fall asleep right after each night feed. But during the day and the early evenings, it's another story. After about an hour of feeding and play time, she usually gets tired. Her movements become jerky, she loses eye contact with you and there's always a few yawns. So we usually know when she's ready for bed. By now we've worked out a pretty good routine to prepare her for bed – making sure nappy is changed and she's burped, we take her into the bedroom, blinds drawn for a bit of quiet time. After a few minutes, it's time to put her down into her bassinet. If we're lucky, she's happy to look around for a bit and she can put herself to sleep if we leave her to it. But most of the time, she looks at you like you're about to put her up for adoption and even before her head hits the bed she starts to cry. This usually starts off quite soft, not really crying but just a bit of grizzling to complain about being tired. Again, if we're lucky, she'll fall asleep with a bit of rubbing of her chest and a little sucking of the dummy. When she's having an unsettled day, the crying will get louder and louder and she'd start to roll her head left and right while kicking her legs back and forth. The intensity gets stronger and stronger until she actually keeps herself awake with all the noise and movement and then all hell breaks lose....WWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH, big tears, extra sad face and thirsty cry all roll into one. And then it's time to pick her up and start the sleeping routine all over again.

After all this talk of crying, please enjoy a nice smiley photo of Anna, taken when I took her to Coogee Beach the other day. She had a lot of fun watching me blow raspberries.

Going out 1.1

We've just discovered a new adventure – going out with a baby. No longer can we just hop into the car to grab a gelato at Coogee Beach at the drop of a hat, the same trip now requires:1.  Coming up with the idea hours in advance.
2.  Realising the weather will be too cold for Anna so changing the plan for the next suitable day
3.  Breastfeeding her whilst eating our dinner so that we'd finish at the same time and be ready to head out
4.  Coaxing her to sleep in the car without success so we drive around for an extra ½ hour until she finally nods off
5.  Carefully move the baby capsule out of the car so that she doesn't wake up
6.  Enjoy ice-cream until the lack of movement wakes her up, time to go home again

And this is on top of the many baby things that we need to pack with us into the car: nappy bag with nappies, wipes, change mat, nappy rash cream, a few change of clothes; pram; baby sling; swaddle wraps; and why not throw in the Baby Bjorn carrier for safe measures.

One of the new destinations when we're out is the Parents' Room. I've always wondered what I'd find in these rooms and I'm happy to report that these are always very well thought out. There's always an extra large toilet so that you can push your pram inside, some even have a small kids toilet so you can do your business with your toddler side by side. There are also breastfeeding cubicles with comfy sofas and a little curtain for extra privacy. Change tables are always plentiful and clean, and most rooms also have microwaves and bottle warmers just to cover all feeding requirements. There's even a particular Parents' Room at Bondi Junction Westfields (for those of you who want to check it out, it's the one on the level 5 food court) which has a view of the harbour! You can't ask for more.

One of my favourite ways to pass time while feeding in the cubicles is to listen to all the conversations around me. So far I've heard parents exchanging reviews on the latest kids movie (apparently 'Up' was a little too deep for a 2 year old, and 'Cloudy with a chance of meatballs' is very entertaining and offers many life lessons for the little ones); a dad asking his wife for the 10th wipe while changing a particularly pooey nappy; a little voice asking to see 'SAAANNNNNTAAAAAA' after her nappy change; a dad arranging where to meet his wife after the feed (I thought David was the only who went to Borders to read magazines to kill time).

To wrap up, I'd like to share one of the nicest things I've read this week: 50 reasons why it's fun to be a parent. And here's a photo of our smiling Anna. Enjoy!

She's here!!!

Finally I've found some time and motivation to give this blog an update.

Wow, what a month it's been! First the birth and now we have a crying, pooping, breast-milk guzzling little girl – Anna!

After all the classes and reading, you'd think we were over prepared for the birth. But of couse, things didn't happen the way we'd imagined. First of all, Anna was 8 days late. And let me tell you, those were 8 long days – after 40 weeks of waiting, I was ready to get her out! We were trying everything – spicy food, raspberry leaf tablets and were enquiring into acupuncture. On the eve of the big day, we invited friends over for a pizza night to kill some extra time. Before they left, my friend April decided to do a little birth dance as a joke in front of my belly and 6 hours later my water broke!

We'd prepared for early labour to last quite a few hours so when I told David that my water had broken at 4.30 am, his response was: “Great! But can I go back to bed now?” But my contractions came on straight away and were strong, lengthy and regular. I knew things were progressing too fast but I needed to convince David and the midwife (of course, our midwife Alex was on leave, so we had her colleague Kate instead). We stayed at home for about 5 hours, using the TENS machine and hot shower for pain relief. Finally, I was begging to be taken to hospital as I knew that I didn't leave home soon, I wasn't going to be able to move.

At 9.45am, we met Kate at the birthing centre. She had drawn a massive hot bath so that's where I stayed for the next 3 hours. By 12pm, I was fully dilated and was told to start pushing. After 2 hours of pushing (along with cave-woman howling, and squeezing the crap out of Dave's hands) Anna was still stuck so they had to intervene before she became too distressed. I was wheelchaired to the delivery suite and a doctor came in to help. By 3pm on the dot, Anna was born with the help of a vacuum.

I'll never forget the way she felt in my arms – warm, sticky, slightly shivering, crying helplessly. She's my little girl! Our beautiful little girl! Since so many people had told us we were having a boy, I asked to check again to make sure it was a girl. We were also pleasantly surprised by her beautiful blue eyes. We've always said: wouldn't it be nice if she had dark hair and blue eyes and sure enough that's how she turned out! Fingers crossed that they'll remain blue. Most people say that she looks like David, but I think she looks like me when she's asleep and she also has my fingers and toes :)

So the roller-coaster begins. The first 2 nights were spent in hospital. It was so strange to be away from David after the most important event in our lives, especially since we haven't spent a night apart for about 6 years. The midwives in the hospital were fantastic! Always patient when I had to ring that bell to ask for help. In those 2 days I learned to breastfeed, comfort and settle, burp, and bathe Anna. David was very hands-on, staying with us during all available minutes of the visiting hours, eager to change her nappy and whatever else he could help with. And on the third day it was home coming time!

My parents had stayed over after the birth to cook and clean our place, which was great help. So with the fridge stocked to the bream and all our bits of junk tucked away, we sent them back home with the aim to learn to take care of little Anna on our own.

The first 2 weeks were quite challenging – especially on the second night when she cried for 6 hours straight and nothing would soothe her. We'd take turns, each settling her for 2-3 hours and slept wherever and whenever we could. There were lots of watching late night tv and having her sleep in our arms – David even stayed up one whole night holding her hands so that she'd sleep through the night. I think we were so focused on getting her to sleep that she wasn't getting enough food and didn't put on weight fast enough. It didn't help that she was slightly jaundiced which made her even more lethargic.

Midwives Alex and Kate took turns visiting us, every couple of days, as a part of the postnatal care. They were great help – always giving tips and reassuring that we were on the right track. Alex also put us onto a 3-hourly feeding routine which eventually helped her with weight gain and also better night sleeps – in fact, she's been a great night-sleeper ever since, able to fall back asleep by herself after each night feed which means I'm the only one getting up to feed her and David is getting a good 8 hours of sleep a night.

As we gain more confidence, we started to take Anna out for short walks, and eventually taking her to the beach and other outings with the car. She'd always find it fascinating to be outside, often looking around with a curious look on her face. And riding in the pram/car/sling would always put her to sleep – this girl loves movement! In fact, we found that walking her in the sling is often the only way to put her to sleep during the day but we'd always struggle to fish her out to put her in bed after she's fallen asleep – there's gotta be a better way!

After 4 weeks of leave, it was time for David to go back to work. I was a bit worried at first – he's been my rock during all the difficult moments, would I be able to cope on my own? So the day before he returned to work, we took the bus to the city with the pram which I handled mostly on my own as practice. We found that bus drivers and other passengers were always happy to help with us getting on and off, and as long as we were near shopping centres, there'd always be a convenience parents' room for me to breastfeed or change her nappy.

So on that Wednesday, with Anna aged 4 weeks and 3 days, I took her to the weekly local mothers' group meeting on my own. It wasn't the best of days to be out – raining and windy, which meant I'd have to push the pram with one hand and hold the umbrella with the other – but I was determined to do it. Well, she was happy enough with the bus ride but started to cry as soon as we got off. But what I've learned over the last few weeks is that: if all else fails, give her the boob. And sure enough, she was happy to feed each and every time. The mothers' group was designed for babies 0-8 weeks old, after which you are 'graduated' to form your own social group. We'd go around in a circle, introducing ourselves and our babies and talk about what we've been through. On hand are 2 experienced midwives, answering any questions and giving tips along the way. The meeting is held at the local Early Childhood Health Centre, which is also a place for regular check-ups and weighings.

This first outing gave me a great boost of confidence and I've been out a few more times with Anna since. Earlier this week I also attended a Sleep and Settling class at the Karitane Centre (a postnatal centre offering free parenting classes and a 24-hour helpline) and we've been practicing some new techniques so that Anna learns to fall asleep in her bassinet – so far it's been going very well.

Anna's first-month birthday marked one of her first major milestones – in Chinese culture a 'full-month' party is held to celebrate the completion of this most challenging of times for both baby and parents. Anna met most of my relatives, including great grandma, and received lots of red pockets with money – so much in fact that we're planning to start her own savings account!

And on exactly 1 month and 1 day of age, Anna smiled for the first time! She had always smiled as she fell asleep but they were more like a reflex for her to practice using her facial muscles. But this time, she smiled at us! It was just the sweetest sight but of course when we tried to get a video of it, she just wouldn't do it again. She's been smiling (and even laughing for the first time yesterday) ever since, she's just the happiest little girl – especially after she's fed and changed.

So this brings everyone up to date for the past month. We'd like to thank everyone for your gifts, cards, and well wishes – she's the most loved baby on earth! Our Anna is thriving and she's changing all the time. We're proud of everything that she does – including poo explosions! We hope to be able to keep up with this blog to give you more updates and also to keep a record for us.

Diary of a housewife

Wow, only 10 days left! How fast has time passed. It felt like only yesterday when we found out I was pregnant and now baby is itching to get out.

I remember seeing that fateful stripe come up on the pregnancy test and it felt kinda surreal. I don't think it had hit either of us at that stage what it really meant – that in less than 40 weeks we were going to have another person in our lives, one who was created by us no less.

Ok, enough sentimental talk for today! So what have I been doing? As most of you know, I finished work last week. My lovely work friends, Corina and Suzanne, were so kind to organise a surprise party for my last day. I've had some inkling that they were planning something, maybe a nice lunch. But when Friday lunchtime came and went and nothing special happened, I didn't think about it again. By about 1.30pm, my manager, Michael, very seriously took me aside and said that he needed to discuss my future with the company. As he hadn't had lunch, he took me to a Korean restaurant across the street so we could talk while he ate. And that was the slowest I've seen anyone eat a bibimbap (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bibimbap)! So after an hour of serious discussions, Michael got a sms from the managing director to return work at once. Naturally, I thought he was in trouble for something until I walked into an empty office only to be greeted by everyone I've worked with for the past 2 years in the kitchen screaming 'SURPRISE'! And what a surprise it was – table full of food and the whole kitchen (and my desk) decked out in pink and blue balloons and ribbons. It was so great to feel so loved at your work place and when it was my turn to thank everyone I had to keep it very short to stop from bursting into tears (I blame my hormones, I'm usually a great public speaker!). So to everyone from work who might be reading this, I thank you for your friendship and I look forward to returning to work in 12 months' time! Feel free to raid my stationary :)

I think this is the first time since I turned 16 that I haven't been in active employment of some form so it takes some getting use to. I have been getting up at the same time as Dave – not because I don't enjoy a sleep-in, but after a whole night of sleeping on my side, I'm usually sore and wanting to get some circulation happening. I then start the day with breakfast and a bit of light reading (thanks to my buddy April, I'm getting into Pride and Prejudice and Zombies – yes, zombies, it's the original Jane Austen text with added zombie scenes, very interesting indeed!). I then get straight into more murdering mayhem with an episode or two of Dexter (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dexter_%28TV_series%29). I seriously hope that all this reading and viewing of bloodiness doesn't affect the psyche of my unborn child! After lunch and a couple of emails to-and-fro with Dave (awwww...yes, we live together but we email/phone each other everyday, how lovely :) it's usually nap time. I don't know if it's the body getting lethargic from digesting food or it's baby or I need no excuse for a nap, but around 1.30 – 2pm each day I just can't keep my eyes opened. After, at times disturbingly long, 2-hour nap I'm up and ready to start planning dinner. While all this must sound very lazy and involves very little body movement, I do try to get off my butt as much as possible with my many trips to the bathroom, answering telemarketing calls from India and a light walk around the block. Last night I even pumped up the music so I can shake my hips a bit while cooking, until Dave came home and joined me in the silliness – it must be amusing for our neighbours to see a heavily pregnant woman and a fully grown man do all those silly moves – if you ever get the chance, ask Dave to show you his signature move: the Siren :)

As this might be the last entry before baby's arrival, I hope you've enjoyed travelling down this new road with us and we hope to have great news for you all VERY SOON!!!

Love,

Vivian + Baby

I’m ready mummy!

At last week’s antenatal appointment we finally got the confirmation that baby is facing the right way for birth. And it took 3 different midwives, no less, to figure this out! It was a bit of a concern when the first midwife told us that baby could be breech (see explanation of breech birth here). She then brought in her colleague who couldn’t tell for sure and they were going to give me a scan. Just as we were getting excited to see our baby again, we were told that the scanner is broken and this more experienced midwife was going to have a feel. So after being prodded and poked by 3 people and feeling like the latest medical experiment, we were finally told that “yes, definitely head down”. Phew!

Another exciting purchase this week was our custom made Crumpler baby nappy bag (see picture). We’ve been big fans of the Crumpler bags for ages and we already have a couple of them. So when we couldn’t find a decent nappy bag we thought a custom made Crumpler would be the perfect way to go. We selected a laptop bag from the range (they don’t exactly specialise in baby products) as it has all the compartments suitable for nappies, wipes, bottles etc. For the design, we turned to our good friend Laura, who is a great graphic designer. She had already designed our baby shower invite so we simply tweaked it for the nappy bag. The design of the cow is inspired by our baby’s birth year – the year of the Ox. We took the design into the store and spoke with their designer, Chabi, who was great help. It only took her 2 days to complete sewing. When we arrived to pick it up we were the envy of everyone there, as our bag had been on display on the front window. So the first piece of art for our baby, he/she is already so spoilt!

During the week I watched a show about parenting and was given an interesting piece of advice that I’d like to share with you all. It’s not a good idea to praise your child by saying ‘you’re very clever’ when they achieve good marks at school or show you one of their drawings. That actually teaches them that ‘cleverness’ instead of ‘hard work’ is your measure of success. Instead, you should say ‘you must’ve worked very hard’ or ‘I like your use of colours’ which shows that the process leading to the achievement is what you value. As the realisation of becoming a parent dawns, there are always concerns about your abilities – what’s the right thing to do/say, how will your choices influence your children, what is the best way to bring up your child? Whilst I don’t believe there is one set of ‘rules’ that you should follow or that there is such a thing as being the ‘perfect’ parent, I hope that we’re equipped with enough life experience and dare I say, wisdom, to be at least ‘ok’ parents.

So we’re now down to the last 4 weeks – 2 more weeks of work, and hopefully 2 weeks at home. I’m less than 4kg lighter than David (yes, all those sweet treats are turning into bits of me) but feeling good in general. I’m starting to have more and more strangers (guy at the convenience store, mailroom guy, people in the lift) ask me questions like ‘how much longer now’ or ‘boy or girl’. Sometimes I’m tempted to reply with ‘what do you mean?’ or ‘I’m just a bit bloated today’ just to see how they’d react, but I’d feel bad to deny our baby’s existence. So I just smile and nod and answer the same question for the 10th time that day. I guess that during late pregnancy is the only time strangers are allowed to openly ask you questions about what's under your clothes.

It's now the final count down - 24 days to go!

Baby van der Meer, meet your namesake

I admit, I'm on facebook. Vivian made me do it. No, actually, Vivian did it for me. I sat on the couch while she set it all up, added photos, a few friends, etc. I told her what password I wanted, that's about it. The rest is history; as these things go, it went viral, and now one year later, I already have 12 friends on my list.

I think someone once worked out that it's officially the worlds biggest time waster, costing employers around the world billions in wasted productivity. It's bloggerhea. Basically, you fart, and you go on Facebook, and say: 'I just farted'. And then friends can leave comments like: 'eewwwww!!!', 'me too', 'hahahaha', or 'I sharted and now I need a change of underwear'. And if you're passionate about the subject, you can start your own 'I farted' group, and then try to get as many people possible to join.

Since signing up I received several messages from people looking for a particular David van der Meer, asking me whether I was the one they once knew. I had to disappoint all of them. It does make you wonder about the other David van der Meer's out there though. One of them apparently speaks Spanish. But that's just an educated guess because the message went something like: ¡Ola! Commo estas bientador el gustas David van der Meer? Si no, haba da habla. Gracias.

Another one is a travel agent somewhere in Australia. I found that out after he sent a friend request. Then he invited me to join the David van der Meer's group that he started. I didn't have the heart to tell a namesake that I think he's a bit of a tool for doing such a thing, and instead joined his group. He had three already, me and himself included. The third one probably spoke Spanish, but I never checked, and now I can't, because both he and the group he started vanished from my facebook page, without leaving a trace. He must have realised himself the severity of what he's done, and he's now hiding in shame.

I can't really blame my parents for giving me the same name as him, especially since he's a couple years younger than me, and will just have to live with it. But a bit of research on my behalf can save my future offspring years of considerable embarrassment.

This week I looked up other people with the same names as the ones we've decided giving our kids, and I'm pleased to say that nothing untoward came up, so both names are still 'go'.
I only found two Xxxx van der Meer's, one that lived 400 years ago, the other once did a bungee jump somewhere in Africa, based on his Facebook profile picture.
I found three Yyyy van der Meer's. Two are on Facebook; one that likes to be seen clutching a Starbucks mug, and another that just doesn't like to be recognised at all so instead putting up a blurry and somewhat suggestive image of what I assume is her dancing with another guy. The last one authored an incredibly boring sounding book on law that presumably married some Polish bloke while deciding to keep both surnames resulting in a really bizarre name.

In the mean time, I have come up with another nickname for baby. During our last visit to the midwife she had some trouble figuring out whether baby was in the right position. Basically, both ends of the baby felt like a bum. I've been calling it Baby Bumface since, although Vivian doesn't seem to like it as much. In fact, she doesn't like it at all.

This morning I heard baby's heartbeat for the first time, by pressing my ear to Vivian's belly. It was fantastic. What was even better, when I started talking to it I could hear the heartbeat go up, and baby started moving around quite a bit. I'd like to think that baby was excited to hear me, as most baby books would like you to believe, but for all I know it was baby getting very annoyed being woken up by some giant sending it into sensory overload, and was trying to communicate: 'Shut up, I'm trying to sleep!'.

For now, I will leave you with the faces of two of our baby's namesakes.

33 weeks, 5 days and counting...

We've been slack again with updating this blog but with good reason: we've had some busy weekends the past few weeks and I was also sick for a week. Don't worry, I didn't catch swine flu so all is good. Just a cold/virus giving me lots of mucus which makes me snore at night so David has been sleeping with ear plugs!

So what has kept us busy the last few weeks? 2 weekends ago we attended my colleague Suzanne's wedding. It was a great day with all the bells and whistles of a typical Lebanese wedding. It has been a long time since either of us have been to a wedding so it was a great experience for us. It was also a really long day and I suspect that my cold/virus was caught somewhere along the festivities.

Last week we finally got around to putting the baby cot together. It now sits proudly at the end of our bed (see photo) and we can already imagine how we can keep an eye on baby from the comfort of our bed. I also took advantage of the warm and sunny weather (21 degrees in the middle of winter, crazy!) to wash all of baby's clothes, sheets and towels. So now we're pretty set to go.

Yesterday we had another appointment with midwife Alex. Everything's going well with baby (my tummy is measuring just right) but she did have a hard time trying to figure out baby's exact position. For 5 minutes she poked and kneaded my tummy with the utmost force to the point that I almost begged her to stop. She thought baby may have been hugging its face with its hands so it was hard for her to feel the head. She assured us that baby still has enough time and room to move into the right position (upside down) for the birth and for the last 2 appointments it has been in this position so there's no need to worry. But she did mention that baby felt a little 'posterior'. This means baby's spine is lying on my spine which could make it very painful on my back during delivery. So far I haven't had much back pain so fingers crossed that baby will be facing the right way when it comes to the big day.

Today I attended a breast feeding class. Although most of the information was already covered in our classes with Taryn, it was good to get another perspective. Overall I feel quite confident that I have all the information I need to give it a good start, the rest I'll have to learn with our baby as every child is different. There are also refresher classes available after baby is born and a 24 hour free call line, so I feel very well supported.

On Saturday we'll be doing an all day first aid class designed for babies and children. It'll probably be the last bit of official learning we do before baby arrives, and definitely one of the most important classes.

So we're now at 33 weeks – I feel well in general, have put on a massive 15kg+ but everyone assures me that I don't look it. I do feel less and less mobile and there are more aches and pains everywhere. I don't have any noticeable swelling but somedays I can't help but feel a little 'whale-like'. Baby is as active as ever. And as there's now less room we can sometimes feel little bumps from its hands and feet. It should weigh around 2kg by now (so where's that other 13kg?!). We have started to call it by the 2 names we've chosen, alternating between boy and girl. Although David would still like to Google them first to make sure they're not names of convicted criminals or other nasty characters!

Hope you're still enjoying reading our little thoughts and updates. We hope to continue writing for as long as possible :)

Until next time...

Love,

Viv